Parshas HaChodesh
I got real excited when I heard Parshas HaChodesh last Shabbos, when I realized that when Moshe Rabbeinu told over Parshas HaChodesh to the Yidden in Egypt, that this was basically the Besora, the tidings, of the upcoming Geula in two weeks time. Moshe Rabbeinu basically said to the Yidden, “Another two weeks, and we’re out of here…” and gave them final instructions for the Avodas Hashem which was incumbant upon them, the Avoda of Pesach.
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Pesach is coming!
Then I thought, wait a minute! This is actually our Besora also! Not the Besora that we are waiting for patiently or impatiently from Eliyhu HaNavi, but listen! In another two weeks is Pesach. Pesach is coming! And when the spiritual illumination of Pesach comes again, we also leave our Mitzrayim, like the seforim say. Not just “viewing ourselves ke’eilu…” in the simple sense, rather in reality, each person, in a nistar sense or in a revealed sense, each one according to his level, his sensitivity, and his preparation, each one goes out of his Mitzrayim in a very real sense. Yes, in another two weeks, and we’re out of here!
Then came the struggle. I asked myself, if Elyahu HaNavi would come today and tell us really in another two weeks the final galus will be over, would I go back to work? Would I sit down at the computer again? Or would I finish up whatever Choshen Mishpat dictates to me, and then spend my days in the Bais Medrash and get my act together while there’s still time?
But isn’t that indeed what’s happening? Pesach is coming! Do you believe or you don’t believe (I ask myself)? Yes there’s a difference, but how can I justify trying to finish my parnasa projects when the time is short, when I could spend it going through Meseches Pesachim, and Tur and Shulchan Oruch Hilchos Pesash, and maybe the Ramban and Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh on Shmos Va’Aira Bo, maybe the Shloh Hakadosh, or maybe Kisvei Arizal. Such a preparation can only maximize the experience which I am really capable of with Heavenly Help and which I yearn for during Pesach?
I guess the difference is that what our Pesachim have been until now, until Eliyhu HaNavi will be mevasair the Geula, have been basically in a nistar-dika way. Real, yes, really. But not yet the dream that we yearn for, that we wait for daily. After Pesach, if chalila va’chas the Mashiach doesn’t come by then, I will still have the struggle to bring in parnassa, “benafsho yavie lachmo”.
But Boruch, I say to myself, at least make a compromise, don’t give up your whole Pesach for some parnasa. Better to give up two weeks of income for a whole Pesach.
Sigh. Thus the struggle.
Hashtah Hachah. Today we are here. Tomorrow? Maybe I’ll win the struggle.
May we see still this year the fulfillment of the prophecy that “like the days that we went from Mitzrayim He will show us wonders.” Chag Kosher Ve’Samayach.
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